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Sunday, June 11, 2017
Monday, June 5, 2017
WONDER WOMAN SUCKS: Disappointment
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Thursday, June 1, 2017
Boss Baby Review: Deserves it's Success
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I have to wrap my head around this one because I feel like I should be ashamed of myself. When I first saw the trailer I had nothing but contempt for it. I thought to myself, what a shit idea for a lame cash grab animated family film.
You know I originally didn't think 'Sing' was going to be anything decent either and now I'm sitting here actually pondering if the Emoji movie doesn't deserve my preemptive malice.
Boss baby was hilarious. I said it, Jesus Christ I actually said it. Not only does most of it's jokes land, but the story itself is actually pretty damn creative and original.
It's simple but has a cute message. In the realm of babies before birth or being delivered out to families, the baby is sorted to be given to a family or be separated so it may be trained for management. The separation occurs based on a test to see how joyous the baby is.
Now the babies in management are actually adults in mind, they grew up but didn't age due to a special milk drink. They run this Baby Co Realm and make certain the world loves, desires to have and are delivered babies.
So this ambitious blonde haired baby played by Alec sends his adult minded self down to a family so he may fulfill a mission for Baby Co. Apparently puppies are getting more love than babies, and the main character's (cue the older brother) parent's are marketing managers at Puppy Co.
Apparently a new puppy type is being... manufactured which endangers the level of love babies will be offered due to scarcity. As there is only so much love in the world.
So Boss Baby needs to find out what the Puppy Co is doing and what they are cooking up. Meanwhile the older brother is having issues, he doesn't want to share his parents.
After the two duke it out, it really amazed me how well written and fleshed out the two characters became. They learned so much about/from each other that they grew to be able to deal with each other's mannerisms and quirks really well.
Not going to spoil the villain, nor the end of the film, nor how Alec's mission could possibly be a temporary one.
Yet I just MUST include some of the comical elements in this review.
The older brother has a Gandalf alarm clock and considering this kid's imagination is nuts, the thing talks to him every now and then. Let me give you some of it's dialogue.
“If only I could reach my magical shank, I’d bust us out of
this prison.”
"We have no daylight savings time in the wizarding world, it is only winter and darkness."
There is also dialogue like this:
While the older brother was reading the baby a story about Hansel and Gretel, the elder brother said,
While the older brother was reading the baby a story about Hansel and Gretel, the elder brother said,
There are so many wonderfully, "what the fuck" moments in this movie.
Take this for example,
this baby whom is Alec's muscle tore off the enemy's eye brows, got tossed aside, put the eyebrows on and began running after the enemy again. What the hell!? The animation is so well done and compliments the humor.
This movie really does teach some business tycoon like ideologies, ethics and definitely themed jokes. I mean the baby has a freak'in toy Mexican for a stress reliever and literally throws money at every problem.
On the other hand, this film also has alot of heart and becomes very 'love is the answer' in a tasteful way.
I actually had a pretty good time with this, especially past the first twenty-thirty minutes. I could have done without the older brother's imagination scenes, but whatever.
Still, every supporting character was like-able, even the silly enemy henchman who only grunted, and especially the boss baby's team of associates.
The way situations were handled or what type of consequences were ongoing involve some truly playful writing, and while the beginning's comedy may not seem that impressive - give it the opportunity.
Totally worth it. Actually worth it.
Pirates: Dead Men Tell No Tales Review - DAMN GOOD
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I don't understand why people are so utterly unappreciative about this movie. The fifth installment is such a massive and impressive improvement of the bland fourth film.
Three things you need to know:
1) The origins of Jack's compass, his alias and even his hat are exposed in this film.
2) Salazar is a exciting villain, much cooler than Black Beard and even Davy Jones.
3) Will's son tries to save his father from the curse of being stuck on the flying Dutchman.
All three of those are BLOCKBUSTER pitches.
This movie is another solo ride like The Black Pearl or Stranger Tides, they sort of learned not to make two-parters anymore like Dead man's Chest and World's End. This movie greatly honors it's own mythology and relics of lore and builds upon them, upon it's own world.
The entire thing opens with a child tying a stone to his feet so he may drown, touching down upon the sunken flying Dutchman ship. The ship rises from the waters so the boy may breath and Will Turner confronts his son, telling the boy to move on with his life. The boy declares there is a treasure which may save his father and that the boy will enlist Jack Sparrow for help.
Cut to the next scene, a proud town having a celebration. They are exclaiming that they have a new safe vault and that their island's bank is the most protected bank possible. They open the vault to show the goods and inside is a drunken sleeping pirate, enter Jack Sparrow.
A perfect opening scene for Jack which introduces what is to be enjoyable, well written comedy and dialogue for the rest of the film,
The scene advances into becoming playfully ridiculous when the horses on the other side of the building, which are meant to carry the vault through the walls with ropes and ride off, end up over-powering the entire building. Yes, the building comes off the rails of the foundation and is pulled away through the town by raw horsepower.
It's like Fast and Furious 5, pardon the pirates goof and brought the entire bank with them instead of just the safe.
There is a mixture of main characters during this mess of a situation.
For example a educated woman whom is believed to be a witch runs into Jack during her own escape. Apparently she has something to do with the same treasure Will's son needs. In fact Jack is about to need the same treasure to save his own skin, this is explained later in the film.
She can be funny but she is also kind of meh, I mean anything to do with the treasure is boring. However, every scene is full of energy, definitely not a snooze feast. It's just if it wasn't for their individual reasons for needing the treasure I'd be like whatever. It's just not the most interesting part of the flick. In fact the two new characters, Will's son and the appointed "witch" are only really interesting because of their ambitions and backstories not entirely their personalities.
So anyway with the high adventure and silliness it feels like a Pirates movie. I'm not going to give you the entire plot, but that little taste may hopefully restore some hope in you that this isn't just another throw away sequel cash grab. I feel like the director and writers DID try.
The magical compass of Jack Sparrow is important, down on his luck (literally) and after being ditched by his own crew he gives away his compass for a mere bottle of rum. Thing about this magical relic is, it will turn on you if you betray it. Instead of leading you to where your heart desires, it will bring your worst fears to you.
Salazar was a Spaniard captain with a hatred of pirates, he butched dozens of pirate ships in his time to purify the seas. That ceased when he was outsmarted by the boy Jack Sparrow, and even after death Salazar was trapped in a geographical area as a restless spirit. That is until Jack had thrown away the compass. This is also the time period Jack got his name and his famous hat, don't want to spoil everything though.
So much happens in this film with it's moving parts, including the return of Barbossa whom actually sought out the freed Salazar to hunt down Jack for him. It's all because he wants this legendary treasure for himself, everyone wants this boring treasure, this trident thing. (Well boring until you realize what it is in the end of the film.)
The Un-dead shark/running from the ghost pirates charging across the waters scene was full of so much suspense.
Johnny Depp did a great job with his off-script comedy during the wedding bit. The Black Pearl returns and we find out a secret of Barbossa.
I saw a review from a popular guy on you-tube, Chris Stuckmann, he said the beginning of this movie was inspiring and the ending was enjoyable but that the middle was lame. I have to absolutely disagree. The trident treasure talk isn't all that interesting but it's very fleeting, there is no long dull explanations. This thing moves so quickly, it has such potential and creativity especially for a fifth installment. If it wasn't for such bad ratings I'd say it was the franchise's second wind.
Maybe word of mouth will save it, but I think alot of people lost interest with the franchise over the years which doesn't help.
The last twenty minutes I will not spell out, this is more for those that have seen it and will understand the following.
1) Funny the "witch" girl's history/life purpose is a unintended mis-direction, but she definitely made something out of nothing.
2) Could have done without the ship's statues coming alive.
3) Sal really took a leap of faith in that trident to cover his ass for wreak-less stunts.
4) A important death.
5) The entire race to the island and then the show-down in the split of the sea was pretty damn good.
However, I find it hilarious that they pretty much devastated the underlining theme of all these movies with their curses. Does this mean the franchise is going in a new direction?
The ending is a mile stone in the series and would be a conclusion if not for the post credit scene.
The return of Davy Jones...
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*SPOILERS AHEAD*
Three things you need to know:
1) The origins of Jack's compass, his alias and even his hat are exposed in this film.
2) Salazar is a exciting villain, much cooler than Black Beard and even Davy Jones.
3) Will's son tries to save his father from the curse of being stuck on the flying Dutchman.
All three of those are BLOCKBUSTER pitches.
This movie is another solo ride like The Black Pearl or Stranger Tides, they sort of learned not to make two-parters anymore like Dead man's Chest and World's End. This movie greatly honors it's own mythology and relics of lore and builds upon them, upon it's own world.
The entire thing opens with a child tying a stone to his feet so he may drown, touching down upon the sunken flying Dutchman ship. The ship rises from the waters so the boy may breath and Will Turner confronts his son, telling the boy to move on with his life. The boy declares there is a treasure which may save his father and that the boy will enlist Jack Sparrow for help.
Cut to the next scene, a proud town having a celebration. They are exclaiming that they have a new safe vault and that their island's bank is the most protected bank possible. They open the vault to show the goods and inside is a drunken sleeping pirate, enter Jack Sparrow.
A perfect opening scene for Jack which introduces what is to be enjoyable, well written comedy and dialogue for the rest of the film,
The scene advances into becoming playfully ridiculous when the horses on the other side of the building, which are meant to carry the vault through the walls with ropes and ride off, end up over-powering the entire building. Yes, the building comes off the rails of the foundation and is pulled away through the town by raw horsepower.
It's like Fast and Furious 5, pardon the pirates goof and brought the entire bank with them instead of just the safe.
There is a mixture of main characters during this mess of a situation.
For example a educated woman whom is believed to be a witch runs into Jack during her own escape. Apparently she has something to do with the same treasure Will's son needs. In fact Jack is about to need the same treasure to save his own skin, this is explained later in the film.
She can be funny but she is also kind of meh, I mean anything to do with the treasure is boring. However, every scene is full of energy, definitely not a snooze feast. It's just if it wasn't for their individual reasons for needing the treasure I'd be like whatever. It's just not the most interesting part of the flick. In fact the two new characters, Will's son and the appointed "witch" are only really interesting because of their ambitions and backstories not entirely their personalities.
So anyway with the high adventure and silliness it feels like a Pirates movie. I'm not going to give you the entire plot, but that little taste may hopefully restore some hope in you that this isn't just another throw away sequel cash grab. I feel like the director and writers DID try.
The magical compass of Jack Sparrow is important, down on his luck (literally) and after being ditched by his own crew he gives away his compass for a mere bottle of rum. Thing about this magical relic is, it will turn on you if you betray it. Instead of leading you to where your heart desires, it will bring your worst fears to you.
Salazar was a Spaniard captain with a hatred of pirates, he butched dozens of pirate ships in his time to purify the seas. That ceased when he was outsmarted by the boy Jack Sparrow, and even after death Salazar was trapped in a geographical area as a restless spirit. That is until Jack had thrown away the compass. This is also the time period Jack got his name and his famous hat, don't want to spoil everything though.
So much happens in this film with it's moving parts, including the return of Barbossa whom actually sought out the freed Salazar to hunt down Jack for him. It's all because he wants this legendary treasure for himself, everyone wants this boring treasure, this trident thing. (Well boring until you realize what it is in the end of the film.)
The Un-dead shark/running from the ghost pirates charging across the waters scene was full of so much suspense.
Johnny Depp did a great job with his off-script comedy during the wedding bit. The Black Pearl returns and we find out a secret of Barbossa.
I saw a review from a popular guy on you-tube, Chris Stuckmann, he said the beginning of this movie was inspiring and the ending was enjoyable but that the middle was lame. I have to absolutely disagree. The trident treasure talk isn't all that interesting but it's very fleeting, there is no long dull explanations. This thing moves so quickly, it has such potential and creativity especially for a fifth installment. If it wasn't for such bad ratings I'd say it was the franchise's second wind.
Maybe word of mouth will save it, but I think alot of people lost interest with the franchise over the years which doesn't help.
The last twenty minutes I will not spell out, this is more for those that have seen it and will understand the following.
1) Funny the "witch" girl's history/life purpose is a unintended mis-direction, but she definitely made something out of nothing.
2) Could have done without the ship's statues coming alive.
3) Sal really took a leap of faith in that trident to cover his ass for wreak-less stunts.
4) A important death.
5) The entire race to the island and then the show-down in the split of the sea was pretty damn good.
However, I find it hilarious that they pretty much devastated the underlining theme of all these movies with their curses. Does this mean the franchise is going in a new direction?
The ending is a mile stone in the series and would be a conclusion if not for the post credit scene.
The return of Davy Jones...
Tuesday, May 30, 2017
Alien Covenant Review: UNEXPECTED EMOTIONAL ROLLER COASTER
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*SPOILERS AHEAD*
The alien threat in it's early stages is air born, like a pollen. Nothing happens until one person gets sick and is carried to the med bay. That is when something VIOLENTLY bursts from the sick man's back and attacks a peer.
From that point it's like the feeling of screeching metal getting louder, standing your hairs on end, as the woman tries to fight off the new born and ends up blowing the freak'in ship up she's in.
Let me vocalize the experience, "Blah nothing..., hm..oh, oh no, ARUGH!? OH GOD! SHIT!! -Anxiety, explosion-"
So now that things get interesting you find out that the fields are crawling with new borns. A stranger however saves them which happens to be the android David from Prometheus.
Here is what you missed in the gap from the end of Prometheus to Covenant. David arrived on a engineer's world and committed genocide with the alien ship Elizabeth Shaw and him had flown away in at the end of Prometheus. It was the same weapon the engineers were on their way to Earth with to wipe out their creation, humanity. They had been mysteriously stalled though which is how Elizabeth and her peers stumbled upon the secrets of man's origins. Where they also discovered that their creators may not be benevolent gods.
Anyway David had been experimenting, including with (the now dead) Elizabeth whom he had apparently turned on. David is one of the old models of androids which could think a little bit more human-like with ambition, creativity, ect.
He basically developed into Ultron and began cultivating life on the world he commited genocide on. The life being the evolution cycle of the species they crossed in Prometheus. He no longer has respect for humans, we wants to craft something more advanced.
When the fresh characters of Covenant begin catching on that this android has sympathy for the beasts and values them more they freak out. David even lures people into being test subjects for things like the newly invented face hugger. Yes, Alien Covenant explains the origin of the face hugger, it was apparently created by a insane A.I.
Who saw that coming? Sit down and stop lying.
Anyway, there is a series of a few fights, more Xenomorphs but like adult size get into the mix.
The humans are trying to escape while the newer model of David fights the old free-will inclined model. It teases you though, as you don't know which one walked away from the fight.
The winner even helps the humans escape from a adult sized alien on their craft during evacuation, so you really aren't certain about anything.
But when everyone gets back into their cryogenic pods to sleep, the main character discovers too late that it isn't their David. It's because while her pod began operating she mentioned something personal she had shared before and the new David hesitated not getting the reference.
Terrified she went to sleep.
The ship and thousands of sleeping humans were under David's watch, he even stored some alien and face hugger embryos in storage with the human fetus tissue.
So extremely amazingly written. Boring opening, not enough about the engineers. It seems like the director refuses to spoon feed answers what's so ever, a lot of it is just completely up to the imagination, forever mystery.
Don't give up on this movie because of the beginning, it's worth sticking to it.
Monday, May 29, 2017
Beauty & Beast 2017: A Late Review
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I feel like there are some films that every citizen is obligated to go see. At least in a sense of keeping up with culture and new art. A say culture because these things aren't just "pop culture" anymore, it's what we talk about, these entertainments influence us, they are a modern art. Similar to how people in the Victorian years would go to the opera to see what's new, what sights and sounds to experience.
Odd to say that, especially about a live action Disney remake. What happened to the days where Disney kept trying to make these live action reboots and no one cared? I was honestly shocked that the fifth attempt at Jungle Book actually succeeded so well.
Then we have Beauty and the Beast, the ticket sales impressively took a long time to drop, the movie literally made over one billion. An absolutely success that guarantees another ten more live action remakes. There have been director choices already made for a: Lion King, Mulan, Aladdin.
Honestly I want to see a new Nightmare before Christmas, I think that'd be the only way they could remake it and gain approval from fans.
So I saw B&B, extremely late because I dedicated money to Guardians of the Galaxy 2 which is personally more important to me. BUT, I did want to see Beauty and the Beast before red box and not online, so we waited for the cheaper theater to show it.
WORTH IT. I wasn't entirely sold on Emma Watson, but other people love her and thinks she was perfect so whatever. I didn't dislike her and I will give her credit for actually singing in the movie. The beast is very likable, the actor has fantastic comedic timing while talking. The furniture is kind of creepy, at least the wardrobe was just terrifying looking.
To be constantly reminded that they need Bell to upset their curse was unnecessary to me, but it wasn't too annoying. I mean they were collateral that forced her to awaken some sympathy to give her environment and the beast a chance. So it's fine.
All the dialog was perfect, there are some new songs that no one cares about The story gives more depth so stuff makes a little more sense. What happened to Bell's mother, why was the Beast such a brat, and Gaston's motivations are COMPLETELY fleshed out.
To me, the scenes of Gaston and La Fou were absolutely the best. I loved their chemistry, I found myself getting excited every single time they came on screen. I laughed the most during their scenes, best two characters of the movie to me. Also their 'No One Like Gaston' song was the best song in the movie.
Every scene has a purpose nothing really of waste, however, I did think the scenes with Bell's father were boring. I mean they would kind of dragged on, which were the only times I woke up and realized I was in a theater again.
Ian Mckellen (Magneto, Gandalf) cameos as the human cog's worth at the end unthrilled to meet his wife again, just a great little gift there.
The only thing that disturbed me or made me cringe was this romance:
I mean what the actual fuck.
Why does the feather duster have to look like a bird, it makes their romance kind of disturbing.
It's entirely worth seeing, it's a must see. I don't think you'd be able to function as well in our society without seeing it at least once. It's like not having seen Frozen while all this merchandise and referencing floods everything around you.
Yet I must say, this one has better taste than Frozen and I can see myself actually re-watching Beauty and the Beast.
Why people want MOONKNIGHT in MCU/NETFLIX
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Moon knight is a mad man, but instead of the silliness of Deadpool it's more like a physiological experience. Imagine a character trying to be assured by the outside world that they are insane and should be incarcerated. Meanwhile that character is being warned that not only is their fantasy world real and gravely important, but that the head doctor in charge of Moon Knight's mental care is of great evil. It's much like this one episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer where Buffy woke up in a nuthouse being assured that she snapped out of a fantasy laced coma. Next being instructed to ignore or even destroy the very pillars of what keeps that fantasy world up.
Moon Knight is a human chosen to uphold a role completely composed of Egyptian mythology, he stumbles into our reality in a altered desert state (image New York after a massive sandstorm with Obelisks), and he eventually chooses to follow his madness. The audience follows him but there is absolutely no hard truths in his story. This is successfully done by making even the most fanatical lores and circumstances tantalizingly believable.
The only problem with Moon Knight is that in order to be a member of the Avengers or a Defender, that self doubt could not be a never ending arc. As soon as he is reassured by the world around him that his reality as a super hero is real, then that aspect of mystery goes out the window.
That's not all he has to offer of course, but it'd be a large plot device to throw away.
It could work though, for like one entire season or a single entire movie. It's kind of like Thor in both his first movie and for a long time in the comics, where everyone thought Thor was just a crazy person. The difference is Thor knew who he was, Moon Knight would be completely lost with-in himself just as much going on the ride of self discovery as the audience.
That is why so many people request a live action Moon Knight.
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